I'll sleep when I'm dead. Or tired.
— Diane N. Sevenay (@Diane_7A) October 2, 2015
Hunger "Games"??? Tell you what when this guy's hungry (me) there ain't nothing funny about it!! I can be a real grouchy Gus!
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) November 21, 2015
When someone tells me they would never let a kid watch TV, I just assume they've never spent more than five minutes alone with a child.
— Sarah (@thetigersez) May 14, 2015
"And in the end, Danny Glover learned he had been just the right age for the shit all along." [closes book] Sleep well, kids. [light switch]
— Don Nichols (@TheDairylandDon) April 18, 2015
This bird keeps itself in the air by sheer force of anger alone. pic.twitter.com/svaRdUhHkk
— Paul Tweedy (@Paul2eD) March 25, 2015
Fool me once go fuck yourself
— Paige (@PeachCoffin) February 11, 2015
the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the Top Gun volleyball scene
— slick (@fanofhell) January 14, 2015
I know sexism is real because more people hate Yoko Ono than Marc David Chapman
— Allie Goertz (@AllieGoertz) May 2, 2015
Sex for me is just like Fifty Shades of Grey (Tried to get into it but got bored and never finished…)
— Jamie Lee (@TheJamieLee) February 4, 2015
My face when I received goalie gloves from my boyfriend for Christmas because I'm a keeper….. pic.twitter.com/zWMtkXAEpR
— Catherine Ward (@catherinelward) December 27, 2015