12 tweets that I liked this year, many from some of my favourite tweeters.
12. Graham Linehan @Glinner
Every time you have McDonald’s as a kid, it’s a victory. Every time you have it as an adult, it’s a defeat.
11. Alain de Botton @alaindebotton
The real reward for good parenting is not that your children are grateful to you but that they are kind to their offspring.
10. John Safran@JohnSafran
“I’ve been contemplating Slip n’ Slide” – Nick Cave, aged 8.
9. Megan Amram@meganamram
A million dollars isn’t cool. You know what’s cool? SMOKING
8. Ally Maynard @missmayn
“Get rich or die.” – American Healthcare
7. Eli Braden @EliBraden
Don’t forget your asshole pills! RT @KourtneyKardash: Breakfast time! Some ghee, manna bread, coconut water and a BIO-K probiotic.
6. rachel lichtman@DJRotaryRachel
“Yeah, well right now I’m Pissed Pissedofferson.” – Kris Kristofferson, pissed off
5. Sarah Silverman @SarahKSilverman
I have a rational fear of flying.
4. Frankie McGinty@FrankieMcGinty
In order to catch a bus, first one must think like a bus.
3. Laney Griner@laneymg
You know what never drops like flies? Flies.
Putting a tattoo on your boob is like decorating a TV.
1. rob delaney @robdelaney
I think one reason babies cry on planes is because flying sucks & babies aren’t liars like you & me.
11 tweets that I liked this year. Most of them come from some of my favourite tweeters.
11. sweet_toof Jeffrey Brian
During a phone conversation, when I say “Well, I’ll let you go…” I really mean “PLEASE LET ME GO!!”
10. 22ViewSt Duncan McPherson
Man goes to the doctor and says: “I’m addicted to Twitter” Doctor says: “I’m sorry, I don’t follow you”
9. MrsRupertPupkin lauren caltagirone
Wanna REALLY surprise your gal on Valentine’s Day? Propose to me!
8. RonnieWK Squirt Russell
I wasn’t retweeted enough as a child.
7. denisleary Denis Leary
Michael Moore thinks we should have captured Bin Laden. Yeah – like he was a fucking butterfly.
6. EliBraden Eli Braden
I think you stole the baseline from ‘Under Pressure’. RT
@vanillaice: OMG! Casey Anthony verdict NOT GUILTY!! WOW!! What do U think???????
5. kristygee Kristy Grant
Trust me, Ernie’s not gay 😉
4. rachow rachow
“I don’t know why I even bother.” — depressed fly
3. thesulk Alec Sulkin
The French don’t really care about god which is why he punishes them with long life and beautiful women.
2. kellyoxford kelly oxford
People who laugh at everything make everything worth nothing.
1. robdelaney rob delaney
If you say you’re a “geek,” but are actually a hot chick, I will slam you in a locker & take your lunch money.